Fading.

So, I’ve been talking to tothemoonmydear over the past few days, and I’ve been trying to catch up on her fic Fading. Well, last night and today I got up to the middle of Chapter 20 before I had to go to work. She told me she hoped I’d let her know what I thought of the fic, and I told her she was stepping in it, because I go overboard. I like reading critically and rambling and words. So, here we go. Let’s consider this my unofficial rec. It’s more like a summary/allthethingsIlove/rec, but shhh. 

If you haven’t, check it out now

Warning: spoilers. 

ps: I’ll get back to writing the next chapter of No One Does It Better now. Whoops. x

Okay. Wow oh wow oh wow. I’m not even sure where to begin.

I really love how, in the beginning, it’s so timid. Everything is written like a promise for more, because everything is so breakable – the atmosphere, Louis, everything. It’s great because when you go to first read the story, you think “Okay, Louis is a fashion designer with an eating disorder. Fair enough,” and then you get to see how layered it all is – the situation, Louis, everything.

Louis has a lot of secrets, but he’s bare bones about his passion. He’s open and honest, but has stone walls in his eyes. He’s Louis, precious little Louis with his cold hands and baggy shirts and his friends that love him to no end, but he’s also Louis, sad little Louis with his big eyes and perfected deflections and hatred for himself that runs like cold blood through his veins.

Then there’s Harry, all lanky and beautiful, like everything and nothing Louis wanted. He’s wonderful and persistent and has such a crush. It’s so heartbreaking to see Louis deny him, question him, because, from this perspective, you know Harry’s intentions are genuine, how kind he is. I don’t blame Louis, though. He hasn’t got much left to give.

As it goes on, though, you find even more out about Louis. It’s like stepping in Harry’s shoes for a mo’, because, even though it’s mostly laid out in the beginning (this is what happened, this is who he is, this is mostly why), the detail comes out to play later. I love that.

Then they’re together, and Louis is scared, so scared, and Harry is cautious, so fucking cautious, because this is big, so big, and they both know that. Harry doesn’t want to push and Louis doesn’t want to pull, so they’re stuck in a weird sort of limbo. And Harry loves Louis. He loves him, and Louis doesn’t understand. Louis doesn’t understand why someone so beautiful loves him, and that’s so sad because Louis is beautiful, too. He feels like it’s all a joke, like someone put Harry up to it. Harry just wants to love him. That’s all.

I love when Harry starts getting suspicious. He asks all the wrong questions, but they tread closely to the ones Louis doesn’t want voiced. Then, then, then, when Louis decided to have sex with Harry, and he takes his kit off, it’s almost like the reader is seeing him the same way Harry is. You know he’s skinny, how fucking tiny he is, you know it’s going to be skeletal, but you’re still almost shocked by it.

Harry handles it so well, too. So, so well, because he doesn’t stop what they’re doing, and he shows Louis that he still loves him, always, always, always. It’s such a beautiful scene when you think about it. Even after it all, Louis is still so uncertain, so cautious. Harry gets it now, not all of it, but he gets part of it. I love Gemma’s explanation to Harry, and I love how Harry handles it. It isn’t some cliché. That whole scene with Liam and Zayn, in the apartment, Harry telling them, broke my heart completely. I felt a tugging in my chest and it was so hard to read, but a testament to how well written it is.

Then Louis is going down the stairs, and when Harry stops him, he isn’t mad, he’s surprised that Harry stayed, cares.

And that’s all I got to before I had to go to work. This is such a beautifully written fic. The character development is seamless, the pov switch is flawless and well-timed, and the disorder is portrayed so well.

I’m always wary of ED fics because I battled with one, with depression, for a long while. I’ve since gotten the help I needed and am a lot better, but it’s always makes reading about it so much harder. I had to check it out, though, and I’m glad I did. It’s sad and rhythmic and makes you want more every single time.